Let's Play the Name Game!

I've been called all sorts of names over the years: Bobbers, Bob Breath, Bobalicious, Your Majesty, King Bob.  There have also been a few “less flattering” names on which I choose to decline comment for the time being.  Seriously, sometimes I don’t know how I put up with these clinic people.  Somehow my magnanimous self always seems to forgive their trespasses.  Well, regardless of what you call me, I still remain the magnificent, benevolent, all-wonderful Cat (yes, capital ‘C’ intended) that I have always been.  So what IS in a name?  And what DOES that have to do with roses and sweet smells: two things I admittedly just don’t care about?  (It is well-known that cats can’t taste sweet.  And honestly, what good are roses?  You can’t eat them; you can’t play with them without your tender toe pads getting pricked.  You humans “ooh” and coo over a bunch of dying pieces of rose plant and I just…….ah, but I digress.) 

Back to the question at hand: “What is in a name?”  A name can be quite the big deal.  It can distinguish you from the rest.  I am not just “Bob,” I am the one and only “Ninja Bob” (applause is not necessary.  Quiet adoration will suffice).  So, I proudly announce that with the move to the new building, we will also be changing our name.  Ninja Bob’s Spay and Neuter Palace should be up and running this November.  (Okay, fine.  That’s not really what it will be called.  Although I simply cannot understand why the humans don’t like that name.  It carries such an air of dignity and distinction and, of course, my name.  Nothing can be made better after it has my name in it.  But, alas, I was overruled.  Again.  These humans lack such imagination with regards to this new building.) 

Coalition: HUMAnE Spay & Neuter Clinic will be retired soon, and the organization will assume its  new name: Northwest Spay and Neuter Center.  Its mission will remain the same: To minimize euthanasia of companion animals through prevention and education.  It is a cause I am very passionate about, considering I was once in danger of being one of those animals.  Although it does come after eating, sleeping, and chasing my toys.  A cat must have priorities.

Well, I must go prepare now.  My weekend home abandoned me a few weeks ago to go on a vacation to some place called “Cabo”.  It sounds ridiculous if you ask me.  But it still would have been nice if they had consulted me first.  I like sunbathing and margaritas too, you know.  And now there’s talk of them leaving me again for Memorial Day weekend!  Unbelievable!!  It’s like they don’t appreciate how special spending time in the presence of “The Bob” is!!  I will have to make sure they understand how lucky they are when they get back.  Perhaps I will work on a good hairball to grace them with upon return.

*YAWN*.  I grow tired of this.  Off to my pedestal for my beauty rest.  Not that I need any.  I AM one package that  simply cannot be improved upon.  But perfection is not easy work, even though I do it so well.   With that, I bid you adieu.

Whiskers Wine & Dine- A Decade of Prevention

Whiskers Wine and Dine was a huge success; partially, wait… almost entirely, because of me. Ok, the staff and volunteers did have a little something to do with it too. They managed to raise $120,000! That will go a long way toward ending needless killing of dogs and cats.

The evening consisted of some very odd human interactions, most of which I simply could not understand. Tables of bobbles and doodads lined the foyer. There were rows of delicious desserts which the silly humans made a mad dash over. They flailed numbers in the air trying to win cruises and excursions and other boring things. The only real thing I saw worth bidding on were the very special bottles of wine…with my divine image on them, of course. There were also several lucky people who were blessed with t-shirts emblazoned with “Ninja Bob’s Spay and Neuter Crew” and a lovely picture of moi.

Executive Director Lorrie Kalmbach-Ehlers, whom I let think is in charge (even though we all know I am) had some exciting news to share. Coalition: HUMAnE is now the proud owner of their very own building! You know what that means? That’s right! My very own corner office with a bigger-than-life oil portrait of me hanging in it! Oh, and more animals coming in to be altered. Hmm….I really should talk to them soon about my color and fabric choices. If I leave them to decide, they will probably pick something that clashes horribly with my fur.

We ended the evening in style with an appearance by yours truly. All my adoring fans had the opportunity to see me in all my glory with my signature teal bow-tie on. I was quite the site to behold, as usual. And I kept my cool, even though the demand for autographs started to get a bit annoying after awhile. Now, I do have one complaint. This whole evening was supposed to be about me, and yet I was rudely hidden out of site until the very end. Unbelievable! I understand saving the best for last, but seriously?? I should have been out there mingling with my people all evening. Even more, I should have had a throne on the front stage where I could have surveyed the festivities and ensured everyone was behaving themselves. Believe you me; I will be making my concerns known for next year.

Well, signing off for now. I’ve been given some new toys to play with. Priorities, people. One is very loud and obnoxious…I think I shall swat it around for a bit and see how much commotion I can make. Then it’s nap time atop my pedestal; the only place I can rest totally assured that my status is known.

Christmas is All About Bob

Well, I just got back to my clinic home after spending a lot of time at my weekend house. Whew, it is good to be back with the doggies and other kitties that are around here all day.

My weekend house looked different—there were excessive lights all around and it was filled with busy humans coming and going all day. Why they feel the need to rush about and subject themselves to what they refer to as “stress” is beyond me. They loved me (of course), so I got lots of scratches and hugs and got to sleep on a big bed with some of the humans.

The best part of my experience away from the clinic was that the big yellow dog was hanging around. I so enjoy his company because he is dumb, and clearly functioning at a lower level of intelligence than yours truly. He is also a wimp. He gets excited and runs around while making a lot of noise. I like wait for him to have a weak moment (which, believe me, is often), and then jump on his back and try to hang on to him with my one back leg. The dog is too clueless to figure out how to combat my unexpected attack, but I know one thing for sure--he’s too scared to bite me! Ha! The humans sometimes watch me playing with the dog and they seem to get annoyed, but who cares what they think anyway??!

Also at my weekend house, someone put a big green tree covered with glittery, entrancing thingamabobs in the corner of one of the rooms—certainly a custom climbing piece designed with me and only me in mind! I couldn’t believe my eyes, until they started putting useless, blinding lights on it along with bells all around the bottom. Oh, how I was longing to climb this tree that I thought was my very own! But, alas, every time I got near it, the bells made a terrible noise in my delicate ears and the humans ran up and chased me away. Stupid bells.

One morning all the humans gathered and made an atrocious mess around the climbing tree they had so heartlessly denied me. They all sat around and tore paper and held things up. I am not sure why, and the whole thing seemed like pure silliness. After a little while, they pulled out a big sock that had a picture of me on it. I was wary to trust that it was indeed for me after the tree incident, but I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt. Turns out they actually thought of me this time, and it had a bunch of really cool things in it that I get to use and torment. I got some kitty treats, and a kitty fishing pole that has delicious feathers for hunting.

Best of all, the lady human at my weekend house also got me a new toy. It is a black stick that makes a red dot on the floor or wall. The dot is so pretty that I can’t stop myself from chasing it, but it sure is pesky. I have so much fun but I can never catch the darn thing. What’s up with that?!

Arch Nemesis, or Uneasy Alliance? Meet: "Kyle."

An unfortunate circumstance has befallen my weekend residence.

For reasons unfathomable to my feline brain, my weekend family has acquired a large, hairy, dog-beast they have been calling “Kyle.”  “Kyle” I am told, has moved in permanently, thereby forever sullying my weekend getaway home. So, it looks like from now on I have to share the house with a dog—this “Kyle.”  Yuck.

Consequently my people had to change some things around to help contain this uncivilized beast.  For example, my food and water dishes haven been relocated from their former convenient location on the floor, to the top of the kitchen counter. This change, of course, took place because “Kyle” cannot control himself at the sight of delicious kitty-morsels, and will presumably devour the entire dish in a slobbery, classless chomping frenzy. See, like most dogs, “Kyle” lacks any sense of self-control and therefore I now have to jump up onto the counter to nourish myself. Despite the fact that I am short one leg, I am still quite nimble and therefore can access the food with ease. Regardless I am displeased with the extra effort I must expend in the name of food, simply because the “Kyle” is incapable of exercising restraint. Seriously.  

The people have taken to crating “Kyle” when they are gone, and they also tend to keep him on a leash around the house for the sake of training. Both of these restraints are a handicap to him, which is conducive to harassment from me.  This means that I can taunt him whilst maintaining a safe distance, and can also make a quick exit if necessary…because, you know, he cannot chase me when he is attached to a leash. Win.

Despite all of these hardships, my people fortunately do not let the beast on the bed with us, a tragedy which would indicate that it is time to find a new weekend family. 

Saludos mis fans!

~ El Bob

Feral Cat Month a Success, or Bob Educates You About Feral Cats

As an authoritative figure at Coalition: HUMAnE Spay & Neuter Clinic, I declare November’s Feral Cat Month promotion a success! We altered 62 feral and free roaming cats during October!

"Ear tipping" is a common surgical practice to signify that a feral cat has been spayed or neutered

Why should you care about feral or free-roaming cats? Are they not just “wild animals,” you may ask?...wild animals that carry diseases and kill off native wildlife species!? Dearest friends! Sit back, relax, and enjoy while Ninja Bob imparts some knowledge for your benefit. At the end, you will be a better person.

"Feral" refers to a domesticated animal that is unsocialized with humans, and consequently has reverted back to pre-domestic behavior. Feral are different than free-roaming cats, which are homeless cats that have had some socialization—in some cases even lived as a family pet at some time—with humans, and therefore may act like domestic cats and even solicit affection. I am going to use the phrase "feral/free-roaming" as a general term to describe a population of homeless cats that this post applies. 

Because us cats are inherently excellent hunters, when feral/free-roaming we tend to do well so long as we have access to shelter and multiple sources of food. This does not mean that it is safe to “turn your cat loose,” as this is extremely cruel, and most domestic housecats do not survive. Despite what some claim, feral/free-roaming cats very seldom have an effect on native wildlife populations. For starters, we must understand that humans have wiped out most native predators through urban and suburban expansion, and therefore certain native wildlife populations—e.g., rats, mice, pigeons—are not kept in check as they would be in the presence of natural predators. Feral/free-roaming cats help to prevent the overpopulation of such species. Feral-free-roaming cats also tend to prey upon sickly or very young animals, keeping the general population healthy. A recent study showed that birds killed by feral/free-roaming cats tended to be weak or infirm, and had indicators of disease or parasite infestations.

 But birds are a tough game. Therefore feral/free-roaming cats are much better suited to hunt rodents, a species that is not only significantly greater in numbers than birds, but also present a larger health hazard to humans. In addition to hunting, feral/free-roaming cats are scavengers. Scientific evidence shows that successful feral/free-roaming cats rely upon scavenging as a primary means for food, and hunting to supplement their diet. Thus feral/free-roaming cat predation on local wildlife populations tends to be miniscule.

Now you germophobes, listen and listen well: you are more likely to contract an infectious disease from another human than you are from a non-human animal! This is not to say that certain diseases cannot be transmitted between non-human animals and humans, but transmission to persons working with feral/free-roaming cat colonies are extremelyrare! …and you smart readers can probably deduce that if you are not working directly with feral/free-roaming cat colonies, your chances are even more slim of disease transmission. The most common concern for a human is ringworm, which is not only easily controlled, but can only be transmitted through touching an infected feral/free-roaming cat, something that any healthy feral cat will never let a human do.

“But Bob, what about the rabies!?” Calm thyself, panicked one. A recent study shows that between 1990 and 2000, only 32 people in the U.S. have died from rabies. Of those cases, only 26 human cases were acquired inside U.S., and the rest were cases wherein a U.S. Citizen contracted rabies while abroad. Since 1980, there has been not a single documented case of a human contracting rabies from a cat, feral or not.

It is important that we continue our efforts to help control the feral/free-roaming cat population through humane means, such as spay and neuter campaigns. Active spay and neuter programs coupled with vaccinations can help both lower the feral/free-roaming cat population, and make it healthier.

For more information on how you can help us to help feral/free-roaming cats, visit the following links:

http://www.coalitionhumane.org

http://www.feralcatproject.org

http://www.alleycat.org

You’re welcome,

~ Bob

Bob in a Calendar? AND in a commercial?! Oh yes, watch me...

Hello Bob fans.

This may come as a surprise to most of you, but I have a reputation for being a little on the vain side. So when staff member Louise Adams suggested that I be entered into a calendar contest, I was all to happy too oblige them. After all, what good is beauty wasted?

Oddly enough, the theme of this calendar contest, is "Bad Cat 2012." I am sure that Louise is not imparting judgement upon my character, but instead wants to show off my modeling and acting skills--which I assure you are second to none. Admittedly, I felt a bit challenged by Louise's suggestion, and therefore decided it would be necessary to remind the humans just how stellar of a performer I am, as silly humans often require reminders about everything.

So earlier this week when some of BullsEye's Pit Bull puppies came to visit the clinic, I was inspired to jump into character. Perched atop my tree, I awaited the appropriate moment to exhibit my superb "Bad Cat" acting skills. Fortunately it didn't take long for my friend--albeit foolish friend--Scarlett decided to ascend my kitty obelisk. The result was documented by Louise:

No Pit Bulls, nor Bob, were hurt in the making of this image. Well, maybe Scarlett's pride was hurt...

                       
Bravo to me, and bravo to Louise for documenting this fine moment! Good talent rarely goes to waste, especially when someone with an eye for acting talent--like Board Member and theatre director Elliot Weiner--takes notice. The result? I will be starring in a commercial for the upcoming fundraiser Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, at the Tacoma Little Theatre on November 3rd! My people will post a link on the Coalition Humane Facebook page as soon as the production is complete.

Speaking of awesome, October 16th is National Feral Cat Day, and to celebrate, Coalition: HUMAnE Spay & Neuter Clinic is offering our Catnip Package to all feral cats for $10!

Until later times, friends and fans!

~ Ninja Bob

Another Pair of Glorious Weekends for Bob!

Much needed weekends away, mind you, as I am quite the busy feline.

My first weekend was spent with the red haired lady, Lorrie. On Saturday we went to Reggae & Rum on Fox Island, which was populated with people who bought tickets at Whiskers Wine & Dine. The humans were amused by my aversion towards the water, which, mind you, is quite terrifying. Most of the day I just hung out in the shade before napping a wonderful, wonderful air conditioned.   

On Sunday, a bunch of kids came over and spent the afternoon in Lorrie’s pool (I don't understand this thing with you people and water?). In order to distance myself from this liquid hazard, I retreated to the upstairs where I was able to observe the chaos from a distance.

I spent my nights in Rogan's--Lorrie's son--bedroom. Rogan had some friends over for a sleepover, during which I got a chance to swipe Rogan's sleeping bag when he wasn't looking. Through the course of the evening, I decided to refine my hunting prowess on Rogan's stuffed animals, which apparently amuses the simple humans.

Rogan and his friend Gabriel had an ink stamp and were giving themselves “tattoos”. Apparently they decided that I needed to participate in their games, and I subsequently ended up with green paws (again, much to the delight of the humans...). Speaking of green, there is also this odd beast in Rogan’s room named Fred, which Lorrie has been calling a "tortoise", who is an exceptionally boring creature to fraternize with. Apparently Fred is 43 years old.  Much to his dismay--but to my delight--Fred was also subjected to a “tattoo”.

Every once in awhile the resident dogs would pop by to bathe me. It was a first a bit offensive, until I realized what had happened: the dogs came to know me as their superior, and thus were grooming me. How appropriate. I need to see about ordering one of these grooming assistants for my office.

On Monday, I carpooled with another cat named Isabel. She told me that she moved into Lorrie’s barn with a litter of kittens, and that they had all subsequently been adopted out to homes. Isabel was to be spayed today, and would be leaving the following day to C.A.P.S., a local animal rescue. Isabel was a bit nervous about the transition, so shared with her my experiences with the several animals that come through Coalition Humane's doors everyday daily. Isabel seemed somewhat calmed by this, which made the rest of the car trip much more peaceful for everyone.

* * * * * * *

The following weekend, I had yet another grand weekend at my Gig Harbor vacation home!

A large portion of my weekend was spent outside watching silly, silly people paint a fence, an activity that I can hardly discuss without yawning. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what painting a fence looks like, you are in luck: I am now an expert (after watching this arduous task repeated several times over)! It goes like this:

1. Fill up the paint bucket with paint.

2. Dip paint brush into paint bucket.

3. Paint object.

4. Repeat.

Julie could have taught me that trick in minutes...

As per usual, I entertained myself, which included a few rousing sessions of romping through bushes and stalking the local birds. Eventually I grew tired of the yard and elected to venture elsewhere, much to the dismay of my humans, who subsequently cut-short my adventure.

I have devised a basic "To Do" list of activities when I visit the Gig Harbor house:

1. Stair zoomies:  The people at my Gig Harbor vacation house have wooden floors at the bottom of their stair, which makes it difficult to make the sharp turn that is required to enter the living room. This is made particularly difficult when one only has three-wheel drive.

2. Use carpeted stairs as a scratching post: pretty self-explanatory.

3. Pouncing on human heads in the morning: more pleasant than a beeping alarm clock, and more fun for me. Clearly this is an activity in which everyone wins.

Back to work for the week; such is the life.

~ Bob