Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Musical Chairs

Sometimes I get bored. Ok, I often get bored.  I know that may be hard for some of you to imagine.  But the humans around here are often so focused on spay and neuter, spay and neuter, that they forget I need attention too.  It is a horrendous tragedy that they would treat a cat of my station like that.  So I am often forced to amuse myself in various ways.

One of my favorite past times is climbing on recently vacated chairs throughout the clinic.  It's best if you know they are coming back.

 I'm not adverse to sharing if I have to.  As long as I have proper space.

But I really do like to stretch out.

Of course, if I'm not careful, the staff may take the opportunity to make me look ridiculous. 

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Bob Talk, Episode Two

"Dear Ninja Bob,
Can I just say you are my hero?  I don't know how you deal with the demands of your life, but I am so in awe of you.
I have a tough, and somewhat embarrassing, questions for you today.  Over the holidays my owners *may* have spoiled me with treats and goodies and I *may* have put on a little extra weight.  Is it really a bad thing of I've added a pound or two to my physique?
Flab-tastic Feline in Federal Way"

Dear Flab-tastic,
I too added some girth to my overall excellence over the winter.  I think I look quite svelte with my extra 1.5 pounds, but the staff here disagrees and is subjecting me to some ghastly dietary standards.  No more cans of tuna at each meal for me.

Roughly 2/3's of pets in America are overweight.  While you may think that an extra pound or two isn't a big deal, consider that most pets are small, and those few pounds are actually a significant percentage of their body.  An average house cat weighs 7-9 pounds, therefore being 2 pounds overweight is actually 22% of their overall weight!

Extra weight also leads to a slew of additional health complications including spinal and joint issues, diabetes, heart and respiratory issues and sanitary issues.  Think about it: an animal that is too large to groom itself can be quite a mess.  And, if your cat outgrows its litter box, you'll have quite a poopy mess on your hands.

So, I bet you are wondering what you can do to help keep your pet at a healthy weight.  Well, I just so happen to have some advice.  First, weigh your pet regularly.  When you see your pet every day you are less likely to notice gradual changes in body shape.  The numbers don't lie though.  Be sure to check with your veterinarian as to what is an ideal weight for your pet's breed and body frame.

Get more exercise.  This is good for pets and their humans too.  Everything from walking around the block to chasing balls and toys will help burn those extra calories and get you into bikini body shape in no time (and I must say I look dashing in a speedo).  It will also strengthen heart muscles and lower blood pressure, for animal and human alike.

Don't believe everything you read on your pet food bag.  Feeding guidelines are exactly that: guidelines. They are not fast and true rules, so your pet may need more or less than what is listed.  While pet food bags often recommend feeding kitten or puppy chow til 1-1.5 years old, however switching them to an adult formula around 6 months can help prevent early puppy-hood or kitty-hood obesity.

Make sure you are feeding your pet for what their ideal weight is, not what their current weight is.  If your dog is 65 pounds, but should only weigh 55, they aren't going to lose anything if you keep feeding like a 65 pound dog.  Try actually measuring your food too.  You may be surprised how much extra kibble fits into that margarine container or coffee can and how much you may inadvertently be overfeeding them.  Try to stick with "higher" quality or grain free foods as they contain less fillers (which are really just empty calories.  You may be surprised how much less your pet eats on these foods too!).

Most importantly, make sure to make these changes gradually.  You don't want to starve your pet into loosing weight.  Even when weight loss is the goal, your pet still requires a certain amount of nutrition to function, so make sure they are still eating adequately or you may end up with a whole different medical issue on your hands.

As always, consult with your veterinarian before starting any diet or exercise program.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Baking with Bob

I am a cat of many, many talents.  But I bet you didn't know that, among my many amazing qualities, I am a superb baker. So I put my expertise to work last night at our clinic operations manager's house.  

Yes, I believe we have all the ingredients right here.  

First, we will start by mixing all the ingredients together in this red bowl. 

Well, hurry up now, these ingredients won't mix themselves.  And I don't have thumbs.

You can use this spatula right here.

Yes, that looks good. Now let's flour the counter and roll out the dough.

I think it needs a little more flour.  It's still a bit sticky.

Yes, much better.  Now you can roll it out, nice and thin and even.  I'll supervise.

Then we will use these great cookie cutters to make our cookie shapes.

Let's start with this one.  It's my personal favorite.

 Now that they are cut out, it's onto a cookie sheet to bake away.  9-11 minutes til perfection (I didn't take nearly that much time to achieve perfection.)

Out of the oven to let them cool.  Then it is time for us to decorate...well, by us I mean you.

My Ninjabread Cat army!

To all my friends and fans I give you these, my mini minions to celebrate the season.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

XO Ninja Bob

Monday, December 9, 2013

Bob Talk Episode 1

As you all are well aware, I am now hosting my own advice column called "Bob Talk."  I always knew my opinion was very valuable, so I'm glad I finally have an opportunity to share it on topics you, my readers, feel are important.

Our first letter comes from

"Dear Ninja Bob,
First of all, let me say I am a huge fan.  I find you to be a great inspiration in my life, and ask myself quite often "WWNBD" (what would Ninja Bob do)?  I truly see you as a roll model for my life.
But, and this is the reason I am writing you today, I am having a huge problem with my human.  She keeps getting upset with me when I pee outside my litter box.  It's not like I'm doing it purposefully to upset them but they don't seem to be getting the hint.  What should I do?"
-Pee-ved in Puyallup

Dear Pee-ved,
That can be a tough one.  There are so many things that humans don't understand about the relationship between cats and litter box usage.
1.  Have you been fixed?  Unaltered cats, especially males although females will as well, will spray to mark their territory.  The earlier you get your kitty fixed the less likely they will develop this nasty behavior.  If you are already marking, then getting fixed will often stop the problem.  But it is not guaranteed that a cat who already has learned spraying behavior will stop after they are altered.  Still, it's hip to snip, so if you aren't fixed, get your humans to call us ASAP.  We have a great special for male cats right now:  $10 for low income Pierce County & Federal Way residents.  It's called "Deck the Balls."  Catchy, right?
2. Is your litter box cleaned regularly?  Humans can't smell nearly as well as we can.  So if the litter box stinks for them, it is MUCH worse for us!  And who wants to use a dirty bathroom?  I, for one, do not.  Make sure your human is cleaning the box at least daily (more often if there are multiple cats) and that the litter is changed once a month and the box sanitized. Also, it's important that your humans provide enough boxes for the household: one per cat plus one extra.  And, while covered boxes are great for humans, all they do is contain the stink and we suffer for it.
3. Where is your litter box located?  I'm sure you agree with me that going to the bathroom in public is not fun.  Litter boxes should be tucked away someplace quiet and secluded, and should NOT be near our food.  Eewww.  Would you want to cook dinner in your bathroom?  I think not.  Also, make sure there is easy access and that other cats in the house aren't "bullying" or blocking access to the box.
4.  If everything above checks out, then it's time you go to the vet.  I know, I know, I hate it too.  But improper elimination can be a sign of some serious medical problems like urinary tract infections, bladder infections, stones, and more.  Thankfully most of these things are easy to treat, but it will make everyone feel better to get it checked ASAP.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Most of All I'm Thankful for...

I think it is quite wonderful that you all have chosen a national day to honor how amazing I am.  Although, the name feels a little wrong.  Shouldn't it be "Bob'sgiving" or "Thanks-Bob-ing" instead of "Thanksgiving"?

Wait, what do you mean Thanksgiving isn't about giving thanks for me?  Well, that is just the silliest thing I have ever heard!  Ok, ok, I'll humor you.  But only because I am such a kind and benevolent cat.

I am thankful for a never ending supply of treats.

I am thankful the staff doesn't dress me up in a ridiculous outfit every day.

I am thankful for tuna fish.  Yum!

I am thankful for soft places to nap.

Even hard places, if it inconveniences the staff.

I am thankful for my dashing good looks.

From the tip of my nose.

All the way to my toes.

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? Other than me, of course.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Vampires aren't the only things that bite...

All in all, I consider myself a pretty easy-going cat.  I understand the demands and expectations for a cat of my celebrity.  

I'm willing to tolerate being dressed up and shown off.  

I'll even wear the silly, candy-corn hat complete with a pom-pom of all things.

But, seriously?  This is getting a little ridiculous!!

Sushi?  Really?  What kind of maniac even MAKES a Sushi Cat Costume??   And what kind of state of mind must one be in to dress up a cat in it?
I'm a cat, not cat fish!

This is a spay & neuter clinic, people.  Not a zoo.  
Yes, I am known to strut my stuff.  I have good reason to being as incredibly handsome and charismatic as I am.

But struttin' what I was given does not make me a pompous peacock.

Although, I do pull it off pretty well if I say so myself.

What the--- ????

I have absolutely no appropriate comment for this one.

Wait, do I see an end in sight?

Nope!  They turned me into a bird brain!  This is so wrong.  Won't someone call PETA, or the ASPCA.  This has to be animal cruelty, right?

That's it.  I'm done.  I have my rights too, you know.

This is really quite embarrassing. How do you expect a cat of my refinement to remain dignified when you keep subjecting me to these absurd costumes?

Someone is GOING to get bit.

Monday, October 21, 2013

No one better than Ninja-B!

Did you watch me on TV?  Again?  This makes three appearances on TV this year.  Am I amazing or what?
That's right.  I'm amazing.  And tolerant.  The things I let these silly humans do to amuse themselves.  Seriously, don't you people have better things to do with your time than to dress me up?  Apparently not.

Thankfully, between stacking stuffed animals on me, the staff has come up with a great new special: Fall Female Fix Fest!  Say that five times fast.  Space is very limited, and the special only runs through November 11th, so you had better call fast to get those girls in.  I promise to take good care of them.
 But, my friends, lets not stop there.  Oh no, I don't just want all the females fixed.  I want ALL the animals fixed.  There need to be some changes in this good land.  We need to end the senseless euthanasia of animals due to shortages of space.  We need to ensure equal rights for ALL species and breeds.  We need to make sure that no food bowl will ever be empty and that there will be treats for everyone!  That is why I have decided to run for Washington State Senate in 2014.  I promise that I will not STOP until everyone is spayed, neutered, and happy!

I can't do it without you, my fellow Washingtonians.  So, please, help me spread the word of spay and neuter.